Teen’s light shines through Widdy’s Work
On Jan. 7, 2023, a light of the world was dimmed when Reese Widman took his own life at the age of 17. His brightness still glowing thanks to his loving family and friends, Reese’s spirit remains a force for compassion and healing through the non-profit Widdy’s Work.
A senior at Steilacoom High School at the time of his passing, Reese was adored by everyone who knew him. Baseball was his passion going back to when he was just a kid and given the nickname "Widdy” by his teammates. His life took a concerning turn, though, when he reached high school and was diagnosed with epilepsy in 2020. This troubled him deeply and his parents, Corey and Kelly, firmly believe that the medications their son was prescribed for seizures ultimately led to the normally outgoing and happy Reese to turn inward, silently suffering and developing thoughts of ending his life.
A registered nurse working in labor and delivery at St. Joseph Hospital in Tacoma, Kelly said people with neurological disorders like epilepsy are more likely to have a mental health disorder and the medications prescribed for epilepsy have a potential but rare side effect of abnormal thoughts – hopelessness, depression and suicide ideation.
"We’re very sure that’s what led to his suicide. He didn’t reach out for help when he needed it for his mental health either,” she said. "He didn’t want us to share that diagnosis with anybody. We insisted that we at least tell some of his friends’ parents for safety reasons because he would go out on their boat and whatnot and he was okay with that, but he didn’t want his friends to know.”
Corey said that when Reese got the diagnosis, he just wanted his friends, coaches and everybody to treat him the same that they treat everybody else.
"I think he was afraid that in practices or something, they would say something like, ‘Reese you can’t do this because you have epilepsy.’ That would be what he thought, in a negative way, would impact his ability to lead a normal life,” Corey said. "He was stubborn young man and a proud young man, and I don’t think he wanted to be a burden to mom and dad, his brother, friends, family and teammates. He thought he was supposed to be a leader and had to lead through this.”
After Reese passed, Kelly and Corey came upon 13 notes Reese had written and stashed in his bedroom nightstand – messages to his loved ones that provided a bit more insight into Reese’s state of mind as he was struggling. In one of the notes to his baseball teammates, he left the message: "Do what I couldn’t do; get help.”
"What we want people to know about Reese is even when he didn’t see a way out for himself, he was looking out for other people,” Corey said. "He wrote to me and Kelly, ‘Make sure nobody hurts themselves and help as many people as you can.’”
This is exactly what they did. Three months after losing Reese, Corey, Kelly and son Rob established Widdy’s Work as a way to tell Reese’s story and share their experience with folks who need to hear it, including parents, doctors, scientists, educators and teens. Promoting Reese’s wise words to get help has inspired the family through their grief and to keep Reese’s light shining to show others the way.
"It’s a big part of our mission, to break down that stigma surrounding mental health and suicide,” Kelly said, "trying to make it known that it’s okay to talk about suicide. It’s not going to make it more prevalent; it’s only going to help people not feel like an outsider and isolated when you’re feeling like they want to end their life – to feel that they can reach out without ramifications and a label.”
Another pressure Reese could have felt was the influence of social media on his generation in that rumors, gossip and bullying can spread out of control online, leaving the person being talked about at a loss to do anything about it. According to the CDC, the suicide rate for male teens increased 31 percent between 2007 and 2015 and female teen suicides hit a 40-year high in 2015. Social media also rose among teens during this time and while there is no definitive proof that social media consistently contributed to these dramatic increases in suicides, it serves as a reminder of what teens are facing in today’s world.
Corey and Kelly don’t think that social media led to Reese’s death, but it’s something for parents to think about concerning their children’s cell phone use and well-being.
"When Kelly and I were kids, when the school day was over, the school day was over until the next day. Now some of these guys are always online – they’re always connected and there’s no break,” Corey said.
Where Reese is concerned, everyone loved him so much that no one in his circles would want to see him harmed in any way. He attended Steilacoom schools since kindergarten and was popular and made lifelong friends because of who he was – a happy kid with a heart of gold.
Reese’s story at WiddysWork.com gives a lot of insight into what a blessing this young man was to everyone around him. "During his short life, he touched so many lives. Growing up, Reese was the HAPPIEST baby. He was the chubbiest, giggliest, drooliest boy. Reese was an entertainer, a competitor, a good student, a friend, a family member, a brother and a son. Reese was so happy and brought laughter so often. He planned to attend Pierce College in the fall and signed a letter of intent to play baseball there.”Corey and Kelly said they want people to be able to separate the illness from the individual."If you knew Reese, you knew that this wasn’t him. There had to be something else going on or something more severe,” Corey said. "Even when he was mad or upset, he was still a pleasure to be around. I can’t think of too many people that when they’re in a bad mood, you still want to be around them. Reese was one of those guys. He was very charismatic, charming, loving, and very protective of friends and family.”Since Reese’s passing, Kelly became an Epilepsy Advocacy Champion with the Epilepsy Foundation and is going to be a teen mental health first aid instructor to help in schools to teach this curriculum. Corey finds purpose in speaking wherever he is called, like most recently at a Tacoma Pierce Athletic Commission meeting, and Kelly speaks before groups as well.The couple leads in organizing events including the third annual Reese Widman Memorial Tournament to "Strike Out the Stigma” coming for baseball season this summer, and the Third Annual "Stomp Out the Stigma” 5k and 1-mile run/walk in August. Learn more about these events and more on Facebook. Source: tacomaweekly.com