***At university, Isabella realized most dating scenes were inaccessible due to her epilepsy***

New research from the charity Epilepsy Action revealed the brutal barriers people with the condition face when it comes to love. With more than a third of survey participants saying they don’t think they’d be comfortable dating someone with epilepsy.

19% admitted they’d rethink their relationship after finding out about their partner’s diagnosis. And one even noted they never want to be alone with a person that has epilepsy out of fear of seeing a seizure.

Isabella Bonnet, 23, knows this stigma all too well. When she first left her small village in East Sussex for university she thought she’d have the opportunity to branch out, meet new people and maybe even find love.

However, she was met with a social scene focused in clubs or bars that could trigger seizures which leave her disorientated, none of which is ideal when trying to fit in at a new place. She said: “I realised I couldn’t go out like everyone else and I didn’t always feel comfortable sharing why that was, because I didn’t want people to judge me.

“As a result, romantic interests didn’t last long. I felt like it was better to stop it before it went any further because I assumed my epilepsy would become an issue, and I didn’t want to face that or deal with it."

But Isabella is one of the lucky ones though as she did end up finding love. She started a close friendship in those university halls and told Michael about her epilepsy before they even started dating.

She recalled: “Neither one of us remembers his reaction to me telling him, which I think says a lot, as it wasn’t much of a reaction. He did witness absences, and his reaction there was mainly confusion and, if I got upset about them, generally comforting as much as he could without understanding the specifics of why I was so upset.

“When I had my first tonic-clonic seizure last December, he was really scared for me, especially as he wasn’t there for the actual seizure. He got to me while I was still unconscious and took control of the situation once the paramedics arrived, and I remember feeling safe once I came to.”

Epilepsy can cause a range of different seizures. Absences refer to short periods of ‘blanking out’ and can even be mistaken by onlookers for a daydream, whereas tonic-clonic seizures cause a loss of consciousness and violent muscle contractions.

***Isabella is now happily engaged, but her condition still requires some compromises in romance*** *(Image: Isabella Bonnet)*

Isabella’s epilepsy has caused a few compromises in their long-distance relationship, as screen time can be a trigger for her seizures. She told Surrey Live: “He has been understanding about my health and listens when I need to talk about it, but it does cause strain on our relationship.

“At first, we were a bit in denial, so it has been a struggle to come to terms with this huge change in our lives and our relationship. It does affect and will affect everything, so it is making the best of the situation wherever we can.

“The most important thing we’ve realised to cope with this is that clear communication is key. And not just from me, he also needs to communicate when he is having a bad day. He is completely allowed to feel rubbish about the situation, and the fact that I’m experiencing it doesn’t take away from how it makes him feel.”

While Isabella wants more people to know epilepsy “does not change who we are”, Epilepsy Action is urging people to educate themselves on the condition and how to support someone having a seizure. All of which can be found through their ‘If I told you…’ campaign site.

Rebekah Smith, Chief Executive at Epilepsy Action, said: “Too many people are still uncomfortable with epilepsy – even if it was to affect a potential partner. Epilepsy affects one in 100 people in the UK. They should be able to talk to a potential partner, a friend, a colleague, a prospective employer about their condition.

“They shouldn’t fear they will be discriminated against, cut off from their friends group, broken up with, or treated differently because of something they can’t help. They shouldn’t feel they have to hide. So let’s start having real conversations. Today.”

Source: https://www.getsurrey.co.uk/news/health/i-thought-epilepsy-would-stop-31885047